Last night I wrote in the final page of my current journal that I have been keeping since July. This seems appropriate as so many things are ending at the same time. The semester for one is almost over- just one more exam to go! Today is the last day that I am 20 years old. I am moving out of my current, lovely apartment into a new condo. The world is supposed to end in a few days, but I’m willing to bet that 12/21/12 is just a beginning, at least for me!
My winter break will be starting and it is sure to bring many new surprises and plot twists that I have never even imagined. My boyfriend is meeting my entire family (can you say intimidating?). In less than a month I will begin training to become an EMT. I will also be taking 3 journalism classes which surely will offer new inspirations and ideas about what it is I want to do in the future. New condo, new journal, new semester, new year.
I am more than excited to be on the threshold of transition. A lot of people despise change and hope to stay exactly as they are in their comfortable little world. For me, change is what I live for. I have my eyes open, looking out for ways to evolve and transform into a better, more open person.
As the semester slowly (painstakingly so) comes to an end, I have decided to look back at some of the highlights of Fall 2012::
- Moved into my parent’s cushy lake-side apartment.
- Went from vegan to full-blown meat eater
- Started off strong with 21 credits which I eventually pared down to a more manageable 16.
- My summer romance came to visit me from the other side of the country and ended up leaving a few days early… I guess WI is pretty scary!
- Went to Madison nearly every-other weekend
- Less than a month later I boarded a flight and had a whirlwind 2 week escape in Paris and Germany with my on-again off-again Egyptian boyfriend
- Was invited to live with said boyfriend in Norway this summer
- Switched my major to Journalism and then back to Nursing and now it’s all up in the air.
- Had more than 10 dreams about “catching” babies as they are born
- Watched more than enough documentaries and episodes of Mr. Rodgers to last a lifetime
Try as I might, I cannot come up with a solid conclusion about my life based off of this list. In 8 more days I will be exactly 21 years old and in that strange bubble of time known as winter break. My academic life will be put on hiatus (though only shortly due to a damn winter math class that must be taken) and I will resume what I like to call my real life- boyfriend, family, possibilities. But for now, time can’t move any slower. I have an essay due on a topic that I hope will bring about some sort of insight. “Your paper should be 10 pages in length. Please describe the following theme. Times of transition in our lives where we travel through a period of disorientation, “liminality”, in order to move into a new way of being in the world.” I guess I should stop writing here and start on those 10 pages.
Today as I was making the hour and a half drive from Madison to Milwaukee, I started to think about a question that the wise Mary Oliver once asked; “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
When any sort of opportunity to travel or try something new presents itself to me, I always jump in headfirst. I feel like I am constantly and aggressively pursuing new adventures and experiences. I seek out knowledge and skills that I think will be useful in life. I feel as though I am endlessly preparing for life’s journey. And just as one journey ends, another begins. I want to go on as many adventures as I can and ride every wave life throws at me. I think that so many people have these life-plans of finishing school, starting a career, getting married, making a family etc. ad nauseam. For me, this straight-forward life path is incredibly boring and undesirable.
When I envision myself at age 50, I see a flash of myself with a shaven head and big smile meditating in a garden in Nepal. I see myself teaching children about sexual education and gender equality in a school in Sub-Saharan Africa. I see myself in a cozy cottage, grandchildren running around. There are a zillion places I may end up, some unconventional and some a bit more normal. I am not exactly sure where I am going, but I know where I want to end up- a happy, honest woman who knows exactly who she is. The destination for me is becoming the woman that I see as whole. Living the lifestyle that I want for myself. The destination is being able to accept, embrace and become love. To be non-judgmental of both others and myself. I want to live a life with integrity in every action. I want to live a life filled with truth, wholeness, right intent, adventure and friendships.